I remember thinking last year would never end.
I remember thinking i wouldn’t see past it, too.
Some crazy story about how I would die at 27 like the rest.
Stupid, right? Wanting the martyred story.
Last year I was at a pow wow in Portland for NYE.
Not the whole night. I was driving to Worth’s house in SW when the clock walked over.
Playing piano with old friends with a fire into the new year.
Slept in the old van and woke hung over and sad.
Took a long walk in Tryon park that morning.
Had a bit of a tear come that morning.
Was three weeks home for the first time in years for the holidays.
First since pops had passed in October and mama was sad.
I was distraught over the finale of a four year relationship with Bailey.
So, mom and I could be sad together for our losses.
It was then I finished Black as the Night – a song that will forever hold in my heart as being another transitional point in my life where I realized I had taken for granted something so good to me and had gone and done it wrong.
And yet, it was all perfect and meant to be. Because then I met Nia.
And isn’t it funny when you learn the hardest lessons and you think things couldn’t get more humiliating or harder – then the elements arrive and spirit kicks you in the teeth and you awake from the nightmare only to realize reality is just the same and you better get your boots on because it’s either ride hard or die trying this year, baby.
i took all those vows under pele moonlight upon arrival to pele aina january 7th.
i remember standing in kalakaua park still tripping on L that i took on the flight over and holding that little piece of leather i was gonna tie on my wrist post taking vows to the full moon about how i would change this year and never be the same and crying and tripping and throwing the disc for koda and then bailey and her new man drove by and did a double take of me alone in the park with koda with my fist to the moonlight hahahaha i must have looked so funny. i laughed i remember at how ironic that moment was.
and then everything changed.
just like i heard it would.
and this year has been about clarity and fearlessness.
flash forward to now.
back in ubud, bali.
found a little villa house for chase and i tonight.
last three days in uluwatu.
the franti show at waterbom was interesting.
we played really well with bali sit-ins pato on bass and krishna on drums.
big moon. big smiles.
feeling so calm.
heart sick for my lil panther cat in hawaii.
the koda bear of my life.
the songs of change.
the new economy coming.
we are on the rocket ship.
everything that has happened to me thus far in my life has been so organic.
that will never change. the rawness. the honesty. the truth.
the stories are coming.
from summer adventures.
fall struggles to understand.
winter’s heart opening to falling in love with purpose.
new year is now for to carry the water and offer fresh air.
this year is about carrying the torch and executing the mission.
dosing the masses and healing my internal struggle.
finding perfect peace among chaos
letting go of the weight of the world.
instead bearing witness to the healing.
i didn’t think i would fall in love in 2012.
love is patient. love is kind.
here’s to finding the magic in the mystery.